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“It was a dark and stormy night” (Edward Bulwer-Lytton).
SOONER OR LATER, TWO DIFFERENT TIMES COME AROUND: THOSE WHEN WE OURSELVES NEED REFUGE, AND THOSE WHEN SOMEONE ELSE NEEDS REFUGE FROM US. “Dark and stormy nights” are bound to happen now and then, and when we find ourselves in the midst of one, our hearts need a warm, dry place in which to shelter. If we appreciate the refuge others have given to us, it’s important to make our hearts a safe place when they are the ones scared of the storm. Refuge, like other benefits, is more blessed to give than to receive.
Having a heart that provides refuge takes some learning. Not many of us have such a heart naturally. While caring may be instinctive, showing useful compassion to others, in ways that improve rather than worsen the situation, is a learned skill. It’s not rocket science, maybe, but it does take a little education in the school of caregiving. It requires watching, listening, learning from our mistakes, and — this is the hardest — acquiring wisdom and good judgment. In short, we have to grow in the quality of the mercy we extend.
Men, in particular, have to learn how to be a refuge. Since the gift of nurturing is not typically our strong suit, extra effort is needed. The masculine tendency to “fix” whatever’s wrong has to be reined in. We must recognize when a safe harbor is all that’s needed — not a dry-dock facility for ship repair. And I will tell you from experience: learning how to give refuge can be a painful, humbling process. The more we think we know how, the less we probably do.
Who in your life is experiencing “a dark and stormy night” and needs refuge? The answer might surprise you. If you knew the hurts that those around you are struggling with every day, you would be astonished. It may not be you that they confide in about these things, so you may never know (and that’s okay). Nevertheless, you would do well to assume that most of the people you deal with are hurting somewhere in their hearts. So, be ready. Be prepared for the time when they might seek some safety in their relationship with you. If that time ever comes, you will have bestowed on you one of life’s greatest blessings: the privilege of showing compassion.
“Discouraged people don’t need critics. They hurt enough already. They don’t need more guilt or piled-on distress. They need encouragement. They need a refuge. A willing, caring, available someone” (Charles R. Swindoll).
Gary Henry — WordPoints.com + AreYouaChristian.com
